


Natsu's Diary

by Chiyala (Shiningangel)



Series: Rewind [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8748085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiningangel/pseuds/Chiyala
Summary: Everything Natsu writes in his diary. Not to be read separately from Rewind. Please read the mentioned chapters first!





	1. Day 4

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be read after you finished Day 4 of Rewind (or at any point after).

When winter fades,  
And past rewinds,  
But future can't be swayed,  
Summer must form a bond,  
With the hateful yet loved rival.

Giving up a part of itself,  
Igniting a burned out fire,  
Fire can light up Darkness,  
And prevent the world from falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Since Natsu is keeping a diary from now on, I'll post the diary entries in this work! I'll update them on Sundays, though not every week, since I sometimes split the days into two chapters (and maybe there will come a day when Natsu doesn't write anything, let's see!).
> 
> It's meant to serve as a summary (for you and for me, since I also constantly forget which events took place on which day x.x) and not as spoilers! So please, do yourself a favor and read the respective chapters first if you a) don't want to miss out on everything that's not mentioned in here and b) want to be surprised while reading.
> 
> Please leave comments regarding Rewind on the main fic, and only ones that concern solely this diary here. Comments which cover both the diary and the story itself: Please leave also them on the main fic.


	2. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Contains spoilers for the main fic! Please do yourself a favor and read this only after you've finished reading Day 5 (Chapter 8) of[Rewind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8419549/chapters/20213305).**
> 
> Natsu isn't a professional writer. I hope I managed to make the writing sound somewhat clumsy.

**July 7th**

**Day 1 & 2:**

We (Gray, Erza, Lucy, Wendy, Carla, Happy, me) went on the mission to a town called Kinsha. There were three mages holding the town hostage. One woman and two men.

 **Ichika:** Long, black hair, small face. Twenty-something??? Cheery, outgoing. Magic: manipulate positions of items and humans (excluded: everything tied to the floor). One hundred meter range.  
**Bubbles:** tan, tall, brown shoulder-long hair, brown eyes. Probably in his twenties. Swears a lot. Unfriendly. Probably in love with Yushin. Uses bubble magic. Blue contains ice, red contains tasty fire, green contains a caustic substance that dissolves everything within seconds (including humans).  
**Yushin:** pale, blue eyes, blond hair. Scar that reaches from outer corner of left eye to left corner of lips. Probably a bit over thirty. Always bored. Probably in love with Bubbles (flirts with him lots). Healer. Doesn't fight.

I fought against Bubbles and I screwed up. Gray died attempting to save me. Apparently they didn't mean to harm anyone (haha...) and Bubbles just lost control over his magic because he was high on emotions. They need money for finding Bubbles' father who went missing. Gray just asked me why I didn't try to offer our help in finding his father. Maybe we could've prevented the fight. I hadn't thought of it to be honest. It's a good idea. I'll try that if I ever go on that mission again. Gray says I should. Okay then. I still can't forgive him.

**Day 3:**

Gray and I confessed our love for the first time. He was ~~cute~~ ~~sweet~~ adorable. We kissed and hugged lots at our usual fighting place. We didn't go on that mission a third time. Gajeel went instead. The plan was to make him fight against Ichika and Lucy against Bubbles.

Gray invited me to his flat after lunch. We cuddled on his bed, and fell asleep. I had a nightmare and needed to vomit after I woke up. We took a shower together (we didn't do anything sexual) and went out for dinner after my stomach had settled. I found out that Jellal was following us, and then Gray died because of a heart attack. I tried to revive him, but it was no use. I got some information from Jellal: Ultear is the one turning back time, and she said I'm the only one who can keep his memories and the only one who can save Gray. She offered me to contact her anytime with Jellal's communication lacrima.

**Day 4:**

I lured Gray out of the guild hall to confess to him, but it didn't go like expected. He misunderstood and became angry. Convincing him didn't take that long, but still. I shouldn't ever start a love confession by telling him that he confessed to me. He'll suspect I broke into his apartment and deduced his feelings from the pictures of me.

I talked with Ultear. She told me the prophecy (I already wrote down the text) and some more things: The oracle of the magic council told her the prophecy and said nothing else. Ultear can turn back time to a definite point she set in advance. Only one person is allowed to keep their memory if she does this, so of course she chose me. I asked her to come to Magnolia because I want to write a diary and she needs to manipulate it so the text won't vanish.

Gray and me spent the afternoon in the city, eating lunch and shopping. We bought a diary and a watch. After that we met Ultear and Meredy, and went to Porlyusica's house together. I wanted her to prevent Gray's heart from stopping, but she couldn't do it. She also couldn't revive him. I promised Gray that I wouldn't ever let him die in the belief that I was into Lucy. He also asked me not to tell him that he'll die if possible. Porlyusica told me that Gray's death is not a natural one, that 'his time on earth is over'. I'll find a way to save him nonetheless.

Ultear gave me some more information: She's also keeping a journal, and she's counting the rewinds. She stays far away in order not to endanger herself and thus the plan to save Gray (I won't be told her position and I shouldn't ask for it). She says she trusts me unconditionally. I think if there's something I need her help with, she'll probably help. She can't wait more than one hour after Gray died because otherwise the point would vanish. She said I should have sex with Gray in order to save him.

**Day 5:**

I tried flirting with Gray, and it went well. He says he nearly fainted when I seduced him in the middle of the guild hall. We raced to my house, and I intended to have sex with him, but I freaked out and he noticed. He made me spit out the whole truth, and while I told him, he misunderstood and thought I'd want to have sex with him out of pity. He told me that he'd have sex with me no matter the circumstances. Maybe one day when I'm ready I'll just ask him for sex without confessing, and then confess in the middle of it (or leave him hanging a bit and confess after). Gray's getting aroused right now, so I'll definitely do this at some point. Gray's saying I'm enjoying this situation way too much. Well, I need something positive if I don't want to go nuts. I admit that he's right when he says he's worried about me— _I'm always right, idiot!_ —and I'll probably never write again while he can watch.

Also, Gray says it's ridiculous that my 'mighty sperm' would 'prevent the world from falling apart'. He thinks the theory that having sex would prevent his death is nonsense. I just promised not to base my decision to have sex with him on this theory.

To get back to how the day went: I cleared up the misunderstanding, and we went to the guild to explain everything and that we were not going to go on the mission with them. Then we went back to my house. Since then I'm _trying to_ write, but _someone_ is distracting me on a quite regular basis. Not that I hate it. Quite the opposite.

 _(Author: Gray)_  
I love you from the bottom of my heart, Natsu. I never was in love with anyone else, and I can't imagine ever being in love with anyone that is _not you_. Even before I fell in love with you, I could never imagine a life without you. Today showed me that you feel the same way, and now I know you'd be just as miserable without me as I would be without you. So please, for the sake of both of us: don't ever give up until you find a way to save my life. I want to spend a long life with you by my side. Right now your body is pressed against mine. I've never felt so happy before, and yet I'm sad. My chest hurts when I think that our time is over soon and next time we see each other, I won't be able to remember a thing. I'd like to record all the things that happened between us today, all the kisses, touches, love confessions. All the silly things we said, the way we teased each other. I love every second of it. ~~I really don't know what I should do. I feel torn between asking you to wait with everything sexual until this is all over and telling you to~~ go ahead with it when you feel ready. I want to be able to remember, yet I don't want you to hold back when you want more. (Forget what I wrote. When you want it, go for it!)

I know I asked you not to tell me about my death if possible, and it's still true that I'd prefer not knowing it if I had the choice, but here's another plea that's far more important: Please share your sorrow with me and let me help you. Please lean on me when it gets too much. Your mental health is far more important than my temporary worries. I'll make you promise. Please keep it.

I believe in you. You're strong, both physically and mentally. You'll find a way to save me, and then we can spend our lives together. Please always keep this in mind. Never give up. You're not alone. I'll always be there for you.


	3. Day 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read Chapter 9 of Rewind first!!!

**Day 6:**  
(Author: Lucy)

Natsu confessed his love in the middle of the guild hall this morning. Gray couldn't believe it at first, and Natsu told the whole guild his story before Gray gave his answer. I think it was too much to burden Gray with the prospect of his own death when he was processing that his feelings were reciprocated, but then again, Natsu didn't have much time.

Gray kissed Natsu in the middle of his story. Juvia didn't want to accept it, but Makarov forced her to. After that, we discussed the meaning of the prophecy, coming up with the idea that the 'darkness' could be referring to Zeref, and that a peaceful approach would be for the best. Gray made it abundantly clear that he wasn't content with a peaceful solution where Zeref was concerned, so Natsu would have to lie and claim that hurting Zeref would hurt Natsu as well.

After the discussion, Natsu vanished with Laxus for several minutes. Laxus confessed to Freed when they came back (of course Freed confessed back).

We went on the mission together with Gajeel and Pantherlily. Natsu showed us the dugout, then hid in a nearby alley with Gray. We didn't need to tell the trio holding the town hostage that we came to help them; they knew immediately when Gajeel and Pantherlily entered the room. They requested Pantherlily talk with them, and then set the captives free. The oracle of the magic council paid them a visit as well, telling them that 'a heavily pierced man with a talking black cat' was coming to their rescue. Nobody remembered the exact wording of the prophecy, but she apparently told them to take the town hostage.

We received our payment from the mayor, and then led Ichika, Bubbles, and Yushin out of town to sit down and talk things through. Bubbles and Yushin admitted they had feelings for each other. From that point they were too busy kissing to follow the conversation for long—the same goes for Natsu and Gray. That's why I'm writing the entry now instead of Natsu. He didn't hear half of the important information.

Yushin and Ichika are siblings. Their parents died on a mission shortly after Ichika turned one and Yushin was eight. Yushin started to hate wizard guilds since they were what killed their parents. He dropped out of the one they were in, and for a while he wrestled his and his sister's way through daily life, living on the streets and stealing. It didn't go well, and they were found filthy and starving by Bubbles' father, who was a freelancer magician. He accommodated them, and they became best friends with Bubbles.

Most of the time, Bubbles' father was away from home, and the three of them were left in the care of the servants and of each other. Each time he came home, he would bring an exciting present from his mission. They really love him, and Ichika said that the times when he was at home were the most fun. Bubbles' father helped Yushin overcome his fear of magic work, so the three of them eventually formed a team and accepted missions as freelancers.

It stayed that way until a year ago. The missions Bubbles' father took never lasted longer than three months, but they waited patiently for six months, thinking it was normal for a difficult mission to run longer. When he hadn't returned even after six months, they started searching for him, first going to the client he'd taken the job from. The client said that the job was finished within two months. He also couldn't give them any hints on where to search, since he said he was going home to see his 'three beloved children'. They searched fruitlessly for nearly six months, until the oracle of the magic council paid them a visit a few days ago. 

They told her to spit out the information she had, but she convinced them that she didn't know anything, that she merely delivers prophecies she doesn't understand herself. So they went along with it, and now we're here.

For the record, since Natsu didn't know their age: Ichika is twenty-one, Bubbles twenty-five, and Yushin twenty-nine.

Bubbles' father is forty-eight, has dark skin, brown eyes, and is bald. His wife died in childbirth, but he never once held it against his son. He smiles most of the time, brightening the mood of everyone around him. The way Ichika describes his character kind of makes me think that he's like Natsu. Loud, clumsy, loyal, and loving.

Gray died a few minutes ago. Natsu isn't responding to anything. If anyone besides Natsu ever reads this: Please take care of him. He's the kind of person to hide his misery behind a smile or a prank, because he doesn't want to burden others. But right now I can see that he's _not alright_ and that he'll probably go crazy if this keeps up. And Natsu, please take care of yourself. Please, _please_ don't keep this bottled up until it's too late. I can only imagine the pain you're going through every single day. It'll get worse and worse if you don't find a solution soon. I'll always be there for you, as will Gray. He wrote it himself. I'm sure the same goes for the rest of our guild mates.


	4. Day 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read Chapter 13 of the main fic before.

**Day 7:**

Gray and me went to the Magic Council to talk to the Oracle. She is a skinny woman with long blond hair. Her name is Lydia, and she has this strange spell surrounding her that makes everyone trust her.

She invited us into her room and performed some weird magic on me which was very painful to me and her. However, she couldn't help us. She said I'm not ready yet and that we shouldn't rely on her. Then she kicked us out.

I became wild and caused ~~a little bit of~~ _~~a huge~~_ destruction. Grays says it was huge. Whatever. He tried to stop me and we wound up fighting. Then soldiers came and we fought them together. They were no big deal. The chairman came and asked what we wanted, so I told him that we want to see Lydia again. He organized a second meeting with her and asked us to wait in a corridor. *

Lydia didn't really explain anything, but she made it quite clear that I either need to trust her, or the whole thing would end in chaos. She also described an alternative path I could take. It sounded horrible, but the most horrible about it was that I was already considering the first step of it, and that I know that such a thing could easily happen. She said I would become obsessed with stopping her somehow and lose sight of my real target. She said it would end up with the world falling into darkness.

There's always the option not to believe her, but Gray and me think that she's trustworthy and that the risk of not believing her is just too high. So I promised her what she wanted me to: Not to come to the Magic Council unless she 'calls' me. Whatever that means. She kept comparing me to an apple tree and saying that she needs to pluck an 'apple' to be able to see past the barricade. She said growing needs time. There's something vital I need to achieve without her help.

Gray and me went back to Magnolia, to Gray's apartment. We spent the rest of the day there. ** (me)

Gray said I should think about the meaning of 'bond' in that prophecy. I sincerely hope that it means having sex. We'll see if that's true in a bit.

_(Author: Gray)_  
_Please always keep this in mind: When you succeed in saving me, we'll be able to lead a life as a couple, together with Happy. We can make memories that we both can keep, deepen our relationship. We can wake up next to each other every morning._

_We'll probably fight over small things like who does the laundry. I'm already looking forward to that. Think of all the fun we'll have, in bed and otherwise. We'll still fight each other, and we'll push each other to the limits, like we always did. We'll grow stronger because of and for the other. I can't wait to lead such a life._

_Whenever you reach the point where you feel like giving up, where you think it's just too much for you to bear, always imagine what will be after you've achieved this goal: Happiness awaits the two of us._

_And never forget: I'm always here for you. Please don't hesitate to lean on me._


	5. Day 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read this only after you finished Chapter 15 of the main fic. Contains spoilers otherwise.

**Day 8:**

I challenged Happy to a bet in which we tried to guess the answer to the question, 'What do you consider a strong bond between lovers?' I wanted to find an answer to the part of the prophecy where it says I need to form a bond with Gray.

Happy guessed that everyone would answer 'marriage', and he made me lose big-time. To be honest, every other answer was utter rubbish (e.g. Erza: baking strawberry cake; Gajeel: eating iron created by Levy) and can't be taken seriously for this situation.

I accidentally proposed to Gray, so I led him outside and told him everything. He is totally against the idea of marrying me just because it _could_ prevent his death. I tried to ~~convince~~ guilt-trip him, but he wasn't having it. I promised not to bring the issue up again unless it's proven that this method will save him.

Lucy still had the paper Gray tore out the previous time, and she got into a very dangerous situation because of it. She noticed the paper sticking out of the pocket of her pants when she got out of the shower. She slipped, hit her head, and was out cold for a while. I took the paper from her and asked Erza to take care of it instead. I don't want Lucy to hurt herself again.

I explained the situation to everyone _again_. It was tiring and emotionally draining. I wanted to sleep so badly when I finished the explanation, and I couldn't even follow the conversation any longer. Lucy ripped out two pages and wrote a text for herself, promised to put it somewhere safe in her apartment so that she won't hurt herself upon finding it. I'm very thankful for this, since it'll mean I won't have to go through that torture again, hopefully.

Gray took me to his flat. **(Gray) I slept, then I woke up and now I'm writing this, with Gray ~~distracting me~~ commenting.


	6. Day 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read Chapter 17 of 'Rewind' before.

**Day 9:**

* We went to Porlyusica to ask her for advice. She told us a tale about a princess she'd picked up somewhere. It wasn't really useful, but I have an idea anyway: Gray will endanger his life purposely, and I'll rescue him in the last second. We'll use Ichika for this. I told Gray to create sharp ice swords and shoot them at her. I think the plan is a good one. I'm positive it'll work, and then Gray and me can finally be together for real!


	7. Day 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please read Chapter 18 of 'Rewind' before!**
> 
> **Trigger warning: Suicide!**

To Jellal and Ultear,

When you read this, I will be dead. Please respect my last wish: Keep it that way. Overwrite the point of return by another one at around nine. Give the task of saving Gray to somebody else. I killed Gray. I can't do this.

 

_(Author: Gray)_

Jellal stormed into the guild hall this morning, forwarding a call from Ultear to me. She was alarmed and told me the whole story, including what happened the previous time. Jellal informed her of what happened, and that it was _not your fault._

He said it all happened too fast, you didn't have time to react, let alone stop your momentum. You may have pushed me into a sword, but it wasn't your fucking fault! Judging from what I've heard and read in your diary, I'd rather say it was fated to happen that way from the start.

I'm _alive_. Yet here I am, sitting next to your dead body. I've been here for some hours already. Both Porlyusica and Wendy tried to bring you back but we found you too late. Laxus tried to restart your heart with electric shocks, but it was useless.

I can barely see anything anymore and my throat is sore. I can't believe you did this. Ultear won't overwrite the point of return. You'll live again, and this time please respect _my_ wish, even if it's not my last one: live on. You may think that you've failed on all fronts and that you're responsible for my death, but you clearly are _not_ a failure, Natsu. You're not! None of this is your fault, I would never blame you no matter how many times it takes or what things you have to do to right this. So just please, _live on_!

I'm not saying this because I love you and I'm selfish. I'm saying this because you've tried everything to save me, everything you possibly could. You're working your ass off to save me and forgot yourself and your own health over it. I don't know how this could be interpreted as anything else but selflessness. You're _not guilty_ , no matter how you look at it.

As for the accident of the previous time: it was just that, an accident. Realistically, it doesn't change anything. Ultear turned back time, I'm alive again, we get to try to prevent my death on our own. And let me tell you, we will still try. Because if we can prevent it this time, I'll write the solution into your diary and you'll see it once the day starts anew. You would be liberated from your grim but selfless duty. That's what I want the most: for your suffering to end.

And NOT by you committing suicide!

I beg you, don't kill yourself again. Do it for me. I know you're already doing everything for me... but, please. Don't throw away your life. It's precious, not only to you, but to everyone around you as well. You'd leave a gaping hole behind in the hearts of our friends, our family. Don't do this to us, please. Let _me_ be your reason to live.

I believe in you, and I always have. The prophecy says that _you_ have to save me, that _you_ have to form a bond with me. I read that we considered marriage as an option. I read that I declined the idea and that you accepted my boundaries. But right now, I think that I was an idiot. I'd rather marry you right away than lose you forever. You've clearly lost all hope, and I want nothing more than to give it back to you.

I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself.

Life without you will be possible... but it's pointless. This grief, sitting here next to your cold body, is so horrible, it makes me almost glad that this day will be rewritten and forgotten, even though it likely means I'll die. It makes me not even care about that, because I can't imagine living into tomorrow without you here. I hope I completely forget this pain, as well as the memories of seeing the tears on the faces of all our friends.

It should be YOU forced to see them, Natsu. You! If only so you'd realize how precious you are to all of us... and to me.

So please... God, please don't make me go through this again.

I honestly don't know what else I can say or do for you but this: beg you to be strong, to keep working hard, even if that's greedy of me. Please keep fighting, Natsu. Please don't let me be the reason you give up on life again.

 

_(Author: Lucy)_

I'm so sorry, but we couldn't save Gray's life. Freed set up a rune shield all around us, preventing outsiders from manipulating Gray in any way. Laxus sent electric shocks right to his heart that weren't strong enough to kill him but strong enough to confuse his heart to a point where it would lose its rhythm. Porlyusica and Wendy were here all the while, supervising the whole thing. It didn't work.

Gray didn't fully let it on in his text just how devastated he actually was. He went on a rampage. It took Erza, Freed, Laxus, Mirajane, and me to stop him. Don't do this to him again. Don't do this to all of us. We love you. We'll help you get over your trauma. We'll always be there for you. But right now, we have no other choice than to put our faith in you. Please save Gray. And please let yourself be saved by us.


End file.
